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Though the concept of "existence" does indeed have its own problems, my doubt is rooted more in the questioning of the notion of self, of the "I" that Descartes conveniently squirreled away in the conjugation of his latin verbs.
Do "I" exist when the brain is unconcious, as happens every night in the hours of undreaming sleep? Is the notion of self separable from the notion of free will? In many dreams, there is experience, but no freedom of choice or action. Is that "me" in those dreams? What if I dream that I can fly, or am of the opposite gender, or otherwise experience a violation of "reality?" Is that "me?"
More disturbingly, what of the countless passing moments of the day in which "I" am distracted, or absorbed in something, paying absolutely no attention to my "self?" Is not the very fact that we can use the word "absorbed" in this manner telling?
If we go by this commonly accepted "proof" put forward by Descartes, then would we not be most fully ourselves in our most narcissistic moments?
I think the "self" I experience varies drasticly with mood, and frequently vanishes entirely.
The closest thing I have ever had to a "religious" experience is an astonishment at being alive, of being aware. Many would regard that as inalienable proof that the self exists, but I regard it as evidence of the fact that most of the time, "I" do not fully exist, if "I" exist at all. Why else would the experience be exceptional?
There are whole religions that center around the non-existence of self, or strive for it. Why do you find the concept so difficult?
I might be able to suggest an answer to that question. The non-existence of self might have profound consequences for the notion of an immortal soul, depending on your conception of such an entity. Even the intellectual unitarian hippie christians I've met have had trouble with views that challenge the existence of their "souls."
Interestingly, it is perfectly possible to believe in the soul, mortal or immortal, without believing in God. In fact, I suspect this is the position of many atheists, though they don't stop to think about it.
I choose a different road. I value human life without believing in souls, and my profound doubts about the existence of self don't affect that value. I like people, regardless of whether I or they are "all there."
Unwillingness to consider the non-existence of self could also be a consequence of the ideology of Individualism which pervades western culture, particularly in North America.
But enough of this. I haven't watched enough television this week, and I need to catch up. If I had time, I'd go back and rewrite this whole comment in the third person, just to make a point, but I don't want to cut any more time from my study of mass culture. I've been neglecting it.
© 2002, RobotSlave. You may not reproduce this material, in whole or in part, without written permission of the owner.
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