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Poll
What are *you* going to call your band?
Unit 731 6%
Idi Amin and the New Bohemians 5%
The Camaro Rouge 12%
Poppa Doc and Baby Doc 2%
Brothaz # 1 0%
Japanese Red Army 9%
Star Chamber 10%
Donald Dachau 10%
My Kid is an Honors Student at the School of The Americas 15%
I'll go with "Pearl Jam II", thank you. 26%

Votes: 73

 Hey Kids! Need a Band Name? Then Check This Out!

 Author:  Topic:  Posted:
Jan 16, 2002
 Comments:
Do you have a hip new band, but no one pays enough attention to you because you're not controversial enough? Do you think that you've got the rock but are sadly lacking the punk?

What you need is a name that will attract attention, a name that can show the world how punk you think you are. With that in mind, we've provided a suggested band name list for up and coming musicians to browse through for a name that really fits their attitude.

arts

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Captain Tenille

Beam Me Up: There's No Intelligent Life in Congress
The List: (and trust me kids, you can't go wrong with any of these.)

Unit 731 Sounds like any of your typical So-Cal three number punk bands, but it was really the Japanese Army unit in World War II that performed medical experiments on the locals in Manchuria. Curiously, not one of the doctors ever lost their ability to practice medicine or face censure, even though they committed crimes comparable to the Nazi doctors. Japan's government only acknowledged the crimes of this unit a few years ago. They had memorials built to them previously, however.

Idi Amin and the New Bohemians Sure, it's a spoof of a late eighties band that left a lot to be desired, but naming your band after a Ugandan dictator who ate his enemies and killed hundreds of thousands of his countrymen is controversial, and he deserves some credit.

The Camaro Rouge The Khmer Rouge rank up there with the Nazis as the most horrific genociders of the twentieth century, and the Khmer Rouge, with death totals up to a third of Cambodia's population according to some estimates, are the hands down winners for percentage killed. Note: If you choose this band name, you must have a lead singer named Pol Pothead.

Poppa Doc and Baby Doc Perfect for a hip hop duo, the Duvaliers, father and son team of Hatian dictators, not only grafted billions from their country, but used their status as black magic Voodoo priests to terrify their enemies. If you are fortunate enough to have a backup band, I suggest naming it the "Ton-Ton Macoute" after the Duvaliers' voodoo militia!

Brothaz # 1 In the mid-70's, reports began to come out of Cambodia of a mysterious organization that was wrecking havoc in the countryside, and it's mysterious leader known only as Brother Number One. This man was so mysterious, his own siblings had no idea who he was. Later, although this was still not his birth name, he gained worldwide notoriety as Pol Pot.

Japanese Red Army A name that should fit in well with anime fans and kitsch culture in general, this largely defunct terrorist organization was a force to be reckoned with during the mid-70's until most of them killed each other off in inter-organizational "troubles". Some members are still alive and active, though, and are believed to be living in Syria. Interestingly, the Japanese Red Army were possible suspects immediately after the September 11th attacks.

Star Chamber The Star Chamber was an extra-judicial court in England that answered to no one but the King, if that. Its trials were held in secret, and the accused had very little recourse for defending themselves or appealing their sentence. While there has not been an actual Star Chamber in a few hundred years, it has come to mean any secret tribunal that is beholden to no authority. This name is perfect for an emo band.

Donald Dachau On second thought, maybe you shouldn't use this one. This will offend absolutely everyone, from the Disney Corporation to the Anti-Defamation League.

My Kid is an Honors Student at the School of The Americas This one is a little long, but there was a trend of long names a while back, so it's all right. The School of the Americas is a school located in Georgia where America trains Central American military units in the finer arts of terrorizing the populace, using techniques we learned from SS guys America imported after World War II. Useful things, like how to kill a village with your teeth. Manuel Noriega and the El Salvadoran death squads are only a few of the distinguished alumni of this school. As an added bonus, it mocks those annoying "Honors Student" bumper stickers.

Any of these names will serve you two excellent purposes: One, they're catchy, and will impress the more ignorant members of your audience by how creative you are, and Two, anyone who realizes just what they mean will be offended and try to bring you down. That will only bring more fortune and fame to you because of the controversy, even if you have absolutely no talent (2Live Crew is an excellent example. You can learn more about them at your local library).

With that, good luck, and remember to rock smarter, not harder.


2 Live Crew (none / 0) (#1)
by jsm on Wed Jan 16th, 2002 at 01:03:09 PM PST
I'm pretty sure that the kids won't be able to find out about Luke Skyywalker and the gang at the library, as most public libraries only carry newspapers about five years back.

... the worst tempered and least consistent of the adequacy.org editors
... now also Legal department and general counsel, adequacy.org

 
The best place... (none / 0) (#2)
by Yoshi on Wed Jan 16th, 2002 at 03:49:44 PM PST
...to find potential band names would be in Dave Barry articles. A long running gagline of his is to have footnotes to quippy lines reading "which would make a good name for a rock band."


I don't know about that. (5.00 / 1) (#3)
by Captain Tenille on Wed Jan 16th, 2002 at 04:17:04 PM PST
CmdrTaco got his name from a Dave Barry article... Of course, I got mine from a Simpsons episode, so I guess I shouldn't be talking.
-------
/* You are not expected to understand this. */

 
Obviously (1.00 / 1) (#4)
by Anonymous Reader on Wed Jan 16th, 2002 at 04:49:57 PM PST
This person doesnt know nil about actual punk rock.
Punk rock is anti establishment and anti status quto, and they wont be using names of people who have killed millions of their own countrymen and not even REGRET it (aka Pol Pot).
And to call the lead singer "Pol Pothead" is a insult to the pacifistic lives of most pot users.
Punk rock is about reforming the system, not using convtiversal names of ruthless murders in order to be "against the grain"


"doesnt know nil about actual punk rock." (5.00 / 2) (#5)
by First Incision on Wed Jan 16th, 2002 at 05:15:03 PM PST
Grammatical errors notwithstanding, neither do about half of the 17-year-old bands out there.

And I like "Pol Pothead." Anything that insults most pot users is a good thing, in my opinion.
_
_
Do you suffer from late-night hacking? Ask your doctor about Protonix.

IP Tokens (5.00 / 1) (#7)
by Thon on Wed Jan 16th, 2002 at 08:06:59 PM PST
Looks like someone's been getting their IP Token info from slashdot.

The real command, if you want to keep Linux users from stealing your IP Token, is as follows:

/Linux=secure:end<>IPToken{#__}//:__:__:__:__GMT

The spaces should be filled in (from left to right) as follows:

The first space is your actual 27 digit IP Token #. To obtain this the easy way, reboot your computer. While your network hardware is loading hold down Ctrl+Shift+Backspace+F4+F8+Esc+NumLock+DownArrow and when the screen flashes twice press F9, F7, F3, then F12 in that order, followed by the Tab key. Now press enter five times and you've got your IP Token.

The next spaces are hours, minutes, seconds, and hundreths, for the time you want your IP Token disabled. To get this info correct you should open you computer, while it's running and look at your system clock. Newer sytems have indiglo but if you have an older computer you might need a flashlight. Once you find the time on the clock convert it to GMT and you're all set.

To restart your IP Token, simply type the same line backwards replacing all 5s with 3s , 3s with 7s, and 7s with the word "seven" backwards (neves). Also don't forget to change GMT to -GMT or you'll end up being laughed at by the tech. assist. g**k when you have to call to have your IP Token restarted over the phone.

And lastly, if you're using Internet Explorer, you can just click on the IP Token Toggle button once to end your token, and once to restart it.


"I undrestand"

Hacker (none / 0) (#9)
by First Incision on Wed Jan 16th, 2002 at 09:47:44 PM PST
I don't know what the heck you just said, but it doesn't take much smarts to realize you just posted hacking instructions.

In case you haven't noticed, this article deals with art, society and punk music's glorification of crimes against humanity.

Feel-free to post any angry, geek-speak-filled replies in an appropriate article, where I will be sure not to read it.
_
_
Do you suffer from late-night hacking? Ask your doctor about Protonix.

 
Punk?? (none / 0) (#6)
by The dev0 on Wed Jan 16th, 2002 at 06:28:10 PM PST
Now This is punk...
Never fight naked, unless you're in prison...

 
Correction (none / 0) (#8)
by doofus on Wed Jan 16th, 2002 at 08:26:53 PM PST
Punk rock is about [blah blah blah]

Punk rock is about 25 years old. Ask anyone who went to this high school in this town at that time.

And don't argue with me. I was there.


 
Obviously? (none / 0) (#10)
by nicething on Wed Jan 16th, 2002 at 10:14:15 PM PST
Contoversial names tend to be hallmarks of punk bands. Thus, Dillinger Four releases a cd entitled "Versus God".

In the same vein, "Namby-Pamby Happpy-Band" would probably not be a well-respected punk band.

I fondly remember my roommate's band, the Ford Theater Ushers, and their smash hit, "Johnny Rock was a Teenage Transvestite".

Rock music,
NT


I ment (none / 0) (#12)
by Anonymous Reader on Wed Jan 16th, 2002 at 10:37:24 PM PST
Not as contoversal as the names the author of this article mentions.
Usually the names are something anti establishment not named after infamous murderers and psychopaths


 
California punk is lame (5.00 / 1) (#14)
by T Reginald Gibbons on Wed Jan 16th, 2002 at 11:49:47 PM PST
And I quote, from the Dead Kennedys:

"Pol...Pot
Pol...Pot
Pol...Pot
Pol...Pot
Pol Pot Pol Pot Pol Pot Pol Pot Pol Pot Pol Pot"

All that these efforts to politicise punk have done is reveal punkers for what they are: Morons looking for validation. The politics espoused by punk rockers like Jello Biafra are invariably silly, and the undertone of misogyny in the punk rock scene indicates that merely being "anti-status quo" doesn't mean that you have any good alternatives to offer. I just means that you're a spoiled brat looking for easy answers and scapegoats.


um (none / 0) (#19)
by Anonymous Reader on Thu Jan 17th, 2002 at 12:27:42 PM PST
Tell me which song of the dead kennedys that is off of Mr "anyone who has a AMD cpu and uses Lunix in a hacker"?


the song name is.... (none / 0) (#21)
by Anonymous Reader on Thu Jan 17th, 2002 at 12:45:41 PM PST
its from the song "Holiday in cambodia"
"Is a holiday in Cambodia
Where people dress in black
A holiday in Cambodia
Where you'll kiss ass or crack

Pol Pot, Pol Pot, Pol Pot, Pol Pot"


 
For Completeness' Sake (none / 0) (#22)
by doofus on Thu Jan 17th, 2002 at 04:01:32 PM PST
Here... go practice your riffs and come back when you're ready to play with the real punks, you punk-ass "Blink 182 and Pennywise are punk!!" AR.


 
um yeah but (5.00 / 1) (#15)
by Anonymous Reader on Thu Jan 17th, 2002 at 12:56:41 AM PST
Punk rock is about reforming the system, not using convtiversal names of ruthless murders in order to be "against the grain"

Actual punk rock band names:

  • Brian Jonestown Massacre
  • John Cougar Concentrationcamp
  • G.G. Allin and the Texas Nazis
  • The Child Molesters
  • Reagan Youth

    Sorry to burst your bubble, junior. *BELCH*


  • good call. (none / 0) (#24)
    by Internet Pervert on Fri Jan 18th, 2002 at 01:54:28 PM PST
    My old band actually played with the Brian Jonestown Massacre. They're not really a punk band (more like early Stones-esque brit-pop), but they're hella good. They're obsessed with the "Mick and Keith killed him!" scenario.


    =============

    Fuck That Hippy Bullshit.

     
    Ahem. (none / 0) (#16)
    by Captain Tenille on Thu Jan 17th, 2002 at 01:08:10 AM PST
    Fuck off and die. Thanks.
    -------
    /* You are not expected to understand this. */

     
    Excelent article (none / 0) (#11)
    by Anonymous Reader on Wed Jan 16th, 2002 at 10:27:11 PM PST
    Based on the name alone, I would listen to any band called "Idi Amin and the New Bohemians."

    Besides being a crazed dictator and mass murderor Amin is an extremely flamboyant person. He speaks 5 or 7 languages fluently. He is a war hero. He is a sports hero (boxing). He drives fast cars (Not so much these days as he used to). He is a great cook. He has great parties. He did all this despite being born to a poor familly and only having a second grade education.

    Amin adored Adolf Hitler and tried to emulate him in many ways. Mostly genocide... One other thing that he did was have his oposition beheaded. Then he would have the heads placed around his table at meal time where he could converse with them.

    Eventually Amin was kicked out of the country because he tried to invade Tanzania. His successor, Museveni, was more brutal but less mad. Also the successor didn't invade any countries except for a little genocide in Ruanda and Burundi.

    The thing that helped Amin stay in power for so long was his private army of 15000 soldiers. It's not totally clear how he funded it. America sent some money to help him fight communism. Probably most of the money came from Muslim supporters countries.

    Altogether, Amin killed 200,000 people during his presidency.

    These days Idi Amin lives comfortably in Saudi Arabia.

    Anyone who has not watched the film Raid on Entebbe should do it right now. It tells the real life story about a plane hijacked in Uganda in 1976. Yaphet Kotto who played Idi Amin did a great job.




     
    Punk as Fuck (5.00 / 2) (#13)
    by Anonymous Reader on Wed Jan 16th, 2002 at 11:30:38 PM PST
    Good punk rock names should relate to the fundamental principles of punk. The following are band names stemming from these principles:

    Punk is shocking: mohawks, piercings, black leather, swastikas. Punk rock is a big middle finger waved proudly in the face of society. It follows from this that a punk rock band's name should offend and annoy straight-arrow types. A good example of this type of name is: Heil Hitler Murder Murder Suicide Hooray For Al-Quieda Fuck You All Twice With A Curling Iron Set On High We Fuck Children and Set Puppies on Fire Just To Hear Them Shriek . There, that covers most of the bases.

    Punk is conservative: the basic punk rock sound, pose, and attitude has not changed in a quarter of a century. Punk rock is a lovingly preserved and perpetuated tradition, like Hula dancing or building Shaker furniture. A band name that pays respectful homage to punk rock's status as cherished museum relic would be: BHT (a preservative, get it?)

    Punk is conformist: everyone knows punk rock survives because it imparts a vital sense of belonging to the kids who can't hack it the normal high school social groups. Accordingly, punk rock kids all dress, talk, and act like each other in order to fit in with the subculture. This also explains the reason all punk rock records sound alike. A punk band name that acknowledges this important fact would be The Same or possibly The Clone Rangers, though the latter is kind of dorky.

    The apotheosis of Punk: given the defining characteristics of punk: self-righteousness, conformity, opposition to mainstream society, preservation of tradition, aesceticism (straight-edge) and rejection of materialism, it is easy to see that punk rock and fundamentalist Christianity go hand-in-hand. The present profusion of Christian punk bands is proof of this. Any true punk band should thus have a name reflecting the Christian beliefs that so perfectly reinforce the punk rock tradition. For example: Moshing For Jesus or Jumpin' Jack Chick.

    So remember: Punk's not dead, on the third day it rose again, and will return to cull the worthy from the unworthy as with wheat from chaff.


     
    how about... (none / 0) (#17)
    by derek3000 on Thu Jan 17th, 2002 at 06:20:00 AM PST
    1) Bobby Hiroshima and the Nuked Gooks
    2) Addie Hitler and the Final Solution
    <p>
    These are fucked up. I don't agree with them, just find them funny because they're so terrible.
    <p>


    ----------------
    "Feel me when I bring it!" --Gay Jamie

    Or... (none / 0) (#18)
    by doofus on Thu Jan 17th, 2002 at 11:37:24 AM PST
    "Stockholm Syndrome and the Symbionese Liberationists"


     
    I like... (none / 0) (#20)
    by hauntedattics on Thu Jan 17th, 2002 at 12:29:08 PM PST
    "My Kid is an Honors Student..." even though it's really long and the acronym doesn't really work that well either. (MKIAHSATSOTA?)

    Then it would be really cool if a someone set up a rival band called "My Kid Beat Up Your Honors Student at the School of the Americas."

    Given that there really is a band called And You Will Know Us By The Trail of Dead (or some such), I don't think this is too way out there.



    Ah yea.. (none / 0) (#23)
    by Internet Pervert on Fri Jan 18th, 2002 at 01:44:23 PM PST
    Also, don't forget BEHEAD THE PROPHET: NO LORD SHALL LIVE. Like Trail of Dead, the share former memebers of the Mukilteo Fairies, another fine fine punk band.

    ===========

    Fuck that hippy bullshit.




    =============

    Fuck That Hippy Bullshit.

     
    Even better names... (none / 0) (#25)
    by sdem on Sat Jan 19th, 2002 at 05:35:00 PM PST
    Though surely not as clever as yours, tend to stick to the punk tradition of being fucking disgusting:

    Fetid Vaginal Drip

    Yellow Assleak Juice

    Unwashed Dildo

    The list could go on forever, concievably, if someone took a dictionary of these words and wrote a simple VB script to put them together in different combinations.


     
    it's been done. (none / 0) (#26)
    by Anonymous Reader on Mon Jan 21st, 2002 at 02:28:28 AM PST
    That "invariably silly" Jello Biafra came up with a much more entertaining list around 10 years ago. Find "Names for Bands" off his No More Cocoons album, and you'll see what I mean.

    My favourite was Cancer Cures Everything.


     
    I like the simple approach (none / 0) (#27)
    by dmg on Mon Jan 21st, 2002 at 04:57:27 PM PST
    Like this ska band: WANK

    What are their fans called ? Wankers ?

    time to give a Newtonian demonstration - of a bullet, its mass and its acceleration.
    -- MC Hawking

     

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