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 My husband wants to do my ass!

 Author:  Topic:  Posted:
Sep 06, 2001
 Comments:
In todays semi-weekly column on sex, relationships and morals, Adam helps a wife whose husbands wants to do her in her ass, and helps a husband whose wife takes a lot of licking to get her ticking.
sex

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Dear Adam,

My husband has been pressing me to engage in anal sex, and I don't feel at all comfortable with his request. It seems too dirty and animal-like, but as a good Christian I should submit to his desires. Please help me reconcile these two viewpoints.

Mrs. You want to put it where?


Dear Mrs. Where,

You left out a few details in your letter, so let me tell you what I think, and you can pick the appropriate option. Anal sex is not exactly procreative sex, the odds of having children from this deviant act are very slim, though I suppose if your torso was angled down some of your husband's seed might ooze out and enter your Gates of Heaven (I suppose my inbox will be flooded with people correcting me here, stating that they were born of suich a deviant act). If you have not fulfilled your procreative duties (and the Church is sensitive to claims of overpopulation, if you have at least 5 children the Church considers you to have done your duty), simply appeal to your husband's better nature and say you'd rather try for another child. If he's a decent, right thinking man, he will understand this.

If you have fulfilled your procreative duties, it gets a little harder. You could try to dissuade him by exclaiming how much more you like his manmeat thrusting into your hole of love.If this doesn't work, I see two things happening, he's conceived of this desire from roaming perverse parts of the internet, or he could be having homosexual urges, most llikely due to demonic possession. In the case of the first part, for your husband's sake, and your marriage's sake, you should submit to his wicked desires, and help him get this out of his system. In the case of incipient homosexual urgings, I would contact a clergyman about a possible exorcism. You will be in my prayers tonight.



Dear Adam,

Please help, my wife is unable to have an orgasm unless I stimulate her with my mouth. What could be wrong with her?

Mr. Tongue-tired


Dear Mr. Tongue-tired

I wish I could hold your wife up as an example to all those fuzzy minded secular humanists who say that masturbation is harmless. It's apparent, that in your wife's case, too much fiddling around with her external genitalia has conditioned her to primarily respond to clitoral stimulation, as opposed to the more mature vaginal stimulation. As a a result, she needs extra attention from you to come to orgasm (fortunately a woman's orgasm is not needed to expand the human race).

First, your wife needs to relearn her sexual responsiveness, concentrating on vaginal feelings instead of clitoral. It may be quicker for you to withhold your oral attentions, but in the interest of marital relations perhaps you could treat her once in a while.

Second, you should stress to her the non-procreative nature of oral sex, and perhaps she will resist that call until you've had the prescribed number of children.



Adam Rightmann is internationally known as a right thinking moral source of all good advice about relationships, sex, and morality. If you have a pressing concern that your clergyman can't answer, and you'd like to ask Adam, email Adam with your question to arightmann@adequacy.org . Due to the high number of emails received, you may not get an answer, but at least Adam will pray for you.


Anal sex is the way, the light and the somethin el (5.00 / 3) (#17)
by TheReverand on Thu Sep 6th, 2001 at 09:57:47 AM PST
se.

Let's be honest here. Who wants to deal with a bunch of sniveling brats? This woman should just bend over, grease up and shut up. Anything that her Man wishes of her, it is her wifely duty to fulfill and accept.

To Honor and obey




now now now... chizzel my nizzel... (none / 0) (#38)
by Anonymous Reader on Fri Nov 30th, 2001 at 10:38:47 PM PST
I don't think there's anything wrong with anal sex if both parties want it, in fact it can be really hot. BUTT-t-t-t (heheeh i made a funny oke heeh nevermind) you are an idiot talking like that.
A woman is not a sexslave, a sexual relationship takes two persons who both make agreements with eachother about what they'll do, and that way you can both fully enjoy the blessing of sex.


 
Hey, loosen up! (3.00 / 2) (#18)
by William Jefferson Klinton on Thu Sep 6th, 2001 at 10:13:50 AM PST
Now, I don't quite see the problem here, folks.
The way I see it, whatever gets your goat is OK
in my book! :) Let me make a dirty little
confession here: I enjoy all of those listed
activities, and frankly I don't see anything
immoral in them. In any case, my "on-the-side"
hobbies have not impeded my professional or
political career any. My advice is to have
fun, loosen up, and ride that gravy train!
YeeHaw!! :)) *wink* :)


-- Amateur politician, liberal, and sex enthusiast. There is no contradiction.

Bend over and take it like a man (5.00 / 1) (#19)
by westgeof on Thu Sep 6th, 2001 at 10:25:25 AM PST
Whatever floats your boat. I'm not about to let the church tell me what I can do about anything. I'm not into anal sex myself, but I know I don't speak for everyone.

As for oral sex, I'm a firm believer in both giving and recieving. True, I enjoy recieving more, but giving is almost as good.


As a child I wanted to know everything. Now I miss my ignorance.

 
Good Christian?? (5.00 / 1) (#20)
by alias30 on Thu Sep 6th, 2001 at 10:52:05 AM PST
Within the christian world dosent it say something at least close to dont submit to the desires of the flesh? Also I do believe that sodomy is considered sinful if your to take a christian standpoint in this. So if your going to get all churchy on the man tell him strait up. If not then quit with all the babble and greece it up, who knows maybe you'll enjoy it.


You are a little confused (3.00 / 2) (#25)
by Adam Rightmann on Thu Sep 6th, 2001 at 12:31:05 PM PST
no wonder, the secular humanist controlled media is always bashing religion and spouting off nonsense and halftruths.

The pleasures of the flesh are entirely sinfree, within a procreative, church blessed marriage, they're sort of the frosting on the cake.

Of course, some people can't wait for a proper cake, and try to subsist on frosting, In addition to risking eternal torment and damnation, they also suffer from spiritual malnutrition.

No, God knew what he was doing when he made male sex organs that matched female sex organs, and stuffed them full of pleasurable nerve cells. He only wants you to get married first, and have lots of children.

As far as sodomy being sinful, it's a matter of balancing the sin of sodomy against obeying your husband against the risk of your husband turning homosexual. A very tricky thing, which should not be attempted by the amateur. Let me handle it.


A. Rightmann

sweets and frosting (5.00 / 1) (#32)
by HAL9000 on Fri Sep 14th, 2001 at 03:01:03 AM PST
I donīt know whatīs wrong about picking the frosting off the cake ?
Have you never tried raisins in the store before buying them ?
Everyone of us is eating sweets when we ought not to do so.
Right now Iīll go down to the bakery.


 
Dancing (none / 0) (#34)
by Anonymous Reader on Tue Sep 25th, 2001 at 01:29:10 PM PST
Come on now.

A religion need persecution to prosper.

This hurts us more than it hurts you. & you'll thank us later, son.

--ken


 
a woman's choice? (4.80 / 5) (#21)
by bazylia on Thu Sep 6th, 2001 at 11:10:51 AM PST
while not a christian, i do consider myself a good woman. and as a good woman, i do for my man whatever he desires. no ifs, ands...although a butt every so often.


 
Painfully Wrongman (3.25 / 4) (#22)
by Anonymous Reader on Thu Sep 6th, 2001 at 11:37:07 AM PST
You are one demented little wad of puss.

now that I've gotten that out of my system, I would like to point a few things out to you:

First off, internationally known??? With whom? The hookers? Drug cartels?

Secondly, hire an editor. your numerous mistakes in your article only added to the pain it caused me to read it.

Finally, please do not ever pray on my behalf. it would frighten me to know that you are deluded enough to think you can somehow divinely intervene for "the better" of anything.

Morals... you're quite the humourist.




Most editors would delete your trollish post (3.00 / 4) (#23)
by Adam Rightmann on Thu Sep 6th, 2001 at 12:26:34 PM PST
but I am willing to suffer your presence if you would be a little more specific in your criticism. Perhaps I can learn something, cow manure doesn't kill roses, it makes them bloom.


A. Rightmann

Dancing (none / 0) (#35)
by Anonymous Reader on Tue Sep 25th, 2001 at 01:31:51 PM PST
Excellent Sir,

then in the intrest of your blooming, rest assured we readers shall bask you in feces till your god taketh u 2 ur reward.

Blessed is he who frolicks in Human waste,

Ken, ch 4:v20




you have to be kidding (none / 0) (#36)
by Anonymous Reader on Fri Oct 12th, 2001 at 03:24:23 PM PST
is this a joke website?

all this religous BS is making me laugh...do you really believe in all this crap?


Please read our FAQ (none / 0) (#37)
by Anonymous Reader on Sat Oct 20th, 2001 at 07:20:46 AM PST
It explains everything


 
Myths (3.40 / 5) (#27)
by alprazolam on Thu Sep 6th, 2001 at 12:44:33 PM PST
First of all, excorcisms are a myth dreamed up by Catholics (who can hardly be called Christians) to get more children interested in their demented religion. Now that we've got that out of the way, let's talk about women should be encouraged to engage in anal sex.

As far as it being immoral, you seem to be implying that people should never engage in immoral behaviour. Quite the contrary, the bible comes right out and says that all people will sin. So basically it is a matter of choice: how to limit your sins to those which are least offensive to God and to do them as rarely as possible. Now since sodomy is not mentioned anywhere in the 10 commandments, you can assume that it's not a very serious sin. As far as it is between man and wife, God would most likely consider it a mildly deviant but not harmful act--much better than say tax evasion, which has far reaching societal implications. Now assuming we know that it's a low ranking sin, we must also consider its frequency. This is where anal sex has double benefit: not only does it increase the husbands "interest" in intercourse, and thereby procreation, it can also be used as a "baiting" technique, known among heathens as teasing. In this way it only has to happen a few times a year, and the benefit is there each and every time. This simply requires that the wife keep the enjoyment she receives from anal sex to a manageable level, which while difficult, can be assisted by such techniques as "doggystyle" (to give the domination feeling that all good Christian women desire) and "foreplay" which increases the likelihood of a female orgasm, which while not a prerequisite to pregnancy is certainly a boon (watch the Discovery channel).

I think that you can clearly see that participating in anal sex 5-10 times a year is clearly every Christian woman's duty.


 
In addition... (5.00 / 4) (#28)
by SpaceGhoti on Fri Sep 7th, 2001 at 05:43:55 AM PST
Adam Rightmann, bastion of all that we've come to expect from milennia of religion. I feel it my duty to point out a few things that you may have overlooked, or possibly chosen not to pontificate about.

Dear Mrs. Where:

Have you considered the possibility that after five children, the only way your husband can feel anything is if he goes for the hole that hasn't been so thoroughly stretched? Buy yourself one of those sinful aide kits, get yourself adjusted to the sensation and try it out. It may improve your marital affairs.

Dear Mr. Tongue:

Your wife's reaction is normal, particularly among housewives who find that their husbands are particularly...lacking. If you are unable to provide the proper vaginal stimulus to satisfy your wife's desires, either buy an implant or limber up your tongue. The alternative is to risk losing her to similarly dissatisfied housewives who are painfully honest and graphic about your failings.


A troll's true colors.

 
OMG (5.00 / 1) (#29)
by Anonymous Reader on Fri Sep 7th, 2001 at 02:01:46 PM PST
Sex isn't about procreation IMO, it's about having fun - if he wants to stick it in the pooper then give it a shot. Here's how to do it right though ....
  • warm up with a finger and some "lubrication"
  • move up to two fingers after one feels ok
  • once two fingers feel ok try full penitration (take it slowly)
  • remember to play with the clit a little while you're doing this
I've done this with three different girls and all of them have liked it a lot. One prefers anal sex ... Just my $0.02


No (4.00 / 4) (#30)
by Anonymous Reader on Sat Sep 8th, 2001 at 10:29:14 AM PST
I've done this with three different girls

I bet they all had Adam's apples didn't they?


Actually (none / 0) (#33)
by Anonymous Reader on Tue Sep 25th, 2001 at 01:27:45 PM PST
come to think of it...

but then again, as my grandfather once told me: Ass is ass.


 
Note to Mr. Tongue-Tied: (4.00 / 4) (#31)
by yami on Sun Sep 9th, 2001 at 01:31:07 PM PST
Although many are familiar with the Homosexual Recruitment League of America, most members of the heterosexual public have only heard of us via our popular GayPoints(tm) plan, which doles out toaster ovens and more for converting red-blooded American youths to a lifestyle of drugs, communism and homosexuality. What many people don't know is that we also hold three-week dyke-o-matic camps on a regular basis in locations across the country, and that these programs are open to men as well as women.

That's right. Our stunningly effective Lesbian Conversion process is available to men, too. In just three weeks, Mr. Tongue-Tied, you can become a 100% bona fide carpet-munching lesbian. Not only will you learn to experience the joys of chowing down on your wife's pussy, you'll be able to find a little action on the side using a fabulous new pick-up line: "Baby, I'm actually a lesbian trapped in a man's body."

Your regional chapter of the HRLA can point you to the camp nearest you. Stop by today!

___
Why should we plant when there are so many mongongo nuts in the world?

Sign me up! (none / 0) (#39)
by Laughing Canuck on Wed Dec 5th, 2001 at 04:37:09 PM PST
lol
_________________________________________

"HahHAhAHAHAahhHAHAhaHHhahHAhaHAH HA eh?"

 

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