||To quote John Hiatt, "Forgive me if my instincts start stinkin' / I'm just so easily led when the little head does the thinkin'..." (Little Head, (c) 1997). Sounds a little like you've got a one-track mind, ma cher.
And know this to be true -- smart women don't wait for any man; remember that we're the ones who know if we're going to get lucky when we leave home in the evening going prowling to scratch that itch.
RE: your poll -- I offer the following for your consideration:
If you're celibate, you're dead in the water -- trust me on this, really.
If homosexuality is your next best choice, just remember that you can't be scopin' out the babes with your lesbian smoke break buddy no more. She'll miss you.
If castration is what you'd prefer, let me hook you up with the surgeon at Stanford who did my former (transsexual) roomie's surgery. She's a hottie, after all, and the men she dates are genuinely clueless. Keep in mind, too, that this option bears the same warning as celibacy.
Here are a few suggestions. Grovel a little. Send her a letter detailing every little thing you love about her. Send her flowers if you're not in the mood to wax poetic. Above all else, try to understand her.
You could also get the VW customized, if ya know what I mean. To quote my brother-Outlaw speaking about the struggle to balance his love for his Buick with his love for sis, "When they both need some repair work / I just don't know what this poor boy's gonna do..."